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Contentment? December 1, 2006

Posted by G in from the heart, mindless ramblings.
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It’s been quite the year finally realizing that my heart had gotten hard since the death of my mom… in May of 2004.  It was nothing that I understood to be true until God kicked my ass… as He usually does throughout the year and even harder each time I run off to Namibia. 

I knew that something wasn’t right… that my head and heart were not connected.  I know in my head that God only has the best intentions for me.  “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” ~Jeremiah 29:11  And I know that He works all things for His good.   “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  ~Romans 8:28  …but my heart did not feel the same way…  my thoughts would always come back to the idea that I am neglected… unloved…  the vicious cycle would continue as my heart continued to fight my head.  The truth realization came at a point where I just became broken… God truly spoke to me and made it clear that it wasn’t Him neglecting me… I had been neglecting Him… more like avoiding Him as much as I could working at CCA, being a youth leader and co-leading a group of teenagers on a missions trip.  I was filling my time with things to do instead of making time to be with Him. 

So, I’ve been pretty contemplative (yea, I love that word) lately…  when people ask me how I am… I think for a moment… and then when I say “fine” or “I’m good”… I really mean it… of course they look at me and ask “Why did it take so long for you to answer?”… but the truth is… I know I am exactly where God wants me right now.  Of course there a couple things that I am procrastinating on… and I do know it… but I have no complaints or guilt over it.  My heart is clear that God loves me.  He has filled me with the desires of my heart… and I continue to pray that if my desires are not coming from His will than I just want Him to take them away… that’s all that I can do… but until He does, I will continue with the vision that He has given me.  This is our God: 

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”  ~Psalm 68:5-6 

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Comments»

1. LeAnne - December 2, 2006

I don’t think this is a mindless rambling… :0) Love you much…


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